This Is Why (we can't have nice things around that guy)
by ladyamethyst21
Summary: A small piece of ridiculousness in which Dagur learns why it's never a good idea to make early morning visits unannounced... Set after RTTE season 4 sometime, no precise me insinuation of adult stuff but mainly silly fluff. I hope you giggle and enjoy!


**This piece of silliness is just a wee plot bunny I've had leaping around my brain for a while and I wanted to get it out before the glories of August 25th render it totally out of canon (In case you're living under a rock or reading this waaaaayyyy later, tomorrow is Race To The Edge season five! I'm not excited at all!). Plus I just love Dagur and I can totally believe this would be his kindly meant but inappropriate reaction to Hiccstrid. Enjoy!**

 **My dear ShipMistress, you know exactly where this nonsense came from, I blame your corrupting influence entirely and I hope I did it justice for you xx**

 **This is why**

 **(we can't have nice things round that guy)**

Early morning mist rolls back across the sea as Dagur nears Dragon's Edge. Dropping through the cloud layer he blinks in the weak sunlight and surveys the silent huts below, laughing.

"Wah ha ha ha ha ha! Seems we caught them napping Shattermaster! My my my, the times I wished for that!" Grinning, he shakes his head ruefully. "Well, that was a different life. Hovering here won't get the Gronckle a new rock! Or my bestest buddy that claw salve we need, will it now? Oh no it won't!" he turns and urges Shattermaster down and past the uninterested Night Terrors towards the huts. "Our Little brother must still be sleeping, let's go shake him out of his sheets!"

Swooping low over Hiccup's roof Dagur jumps from Shattermaster's back and lands silently on the shingles. Peering through the skylight into the gloom below he can just make out a tangle of blankets and mop of tousled auburn hair against the pale pillow. He is gripping the sill, balanced on his toes and bracing to drop and give Hiccup the fright of his life, when the clouds break and the sky brightens enough for him to see more clearly. And aha! Poking out of the blanket nest are _far_ more feet than he would have expected to find in Hiccup's bed. Two more in fact, and it seems that what he'd taken for a pillow is actually Astrid's pale hair, Hiccup's face buried into it as the two cuddle so closely that they seem one body.

"Oh ho ho ho ho little brother…" he murmurs drawing back from the edge, "I'd heard you two had _finally_ let the Terrible Terror out of the bag, but I had no idea…." Dagur's big, convoluted heart swells and a slow smile spreads widely across his scarred face. "Look at you, so peaceful, so perfect…"

The sun rises further as Dagur lies down, flush with the roof. Propped up on one elbow, one hand cupping his chin, affection and pride written in every line of his Beserker muscles, he gazes down at the spooning pair. On the terrace below Shattermaster stamps restlessly but Dagur doesn't tear himself away from the tranquil scene. He flaps his free hand dismissively and the green Gronckle waddles away toward the stables, searching for breakfast. His rider remains, lost in thought, muttering fondly. "My little brother. And feisty little Astrid. Only two minutes ago we were chasing each other round and round, round and round and round the sea, ships and dragons, dragons and ships! And now you're all grown up, hey, my babies? All grown up". Below, the sleepers begin to wake, there are rustlings and whispers and Dagur is both blushing and grinning, as the blankets start to stir. "Ha. Ha!" he chuckles quietly, reddening "Ohhh, oh ho ho _ALL_ grown up indeed Hiccup Haddock, all grown up _indeed_!" He starts to slide away from the skylight but something in the movement below catches his eye and he pulls himself back up with tattooed forearms, frowning "And what was that? Are you…? And is that the best way to…? What's she doing? I'm not sure I would…? Now, come on!" And suddenly Dagur can't help himself.

Hiccup smiles as he wakes, warm in the blankets, holding Astrid, and Astrid smiles too as she turns in his arms and plants a sleepy kiss on his lips.

Murmuring, "Good morning Milady," he runs a hand down her smooth flank squeezing her firm bottom, "and how are you today?"

"Not as wide awake as someone I can feel…" she smirks. Her hands go up into his hair and she presses close to his bare chest, kissing him again. The next few moments are mainly moving hands, lips and whispering. At length, Astrid lies back, pulling Hiccup suddenly up and over her where he wobbles and falters losing his balance, falling and squashing her a little.

"Oof!" She giggles

"Sorry, sorry, half a leg, you know?"

"My fault. Here," Astrid pushes him up and sideways, laughing "If you go over there, then I'll...just come…over _here_ …"

"Ow, no, hey…hang on! My arm doesn't bend that way!"

He laughs too as they land in an ungainly tangled heap. Stroking her hair back from her forehead with one hand, he flashes her his naughtiest smirk. "Shall we try that again?"

In answer, Astrid runs a finger across his collarbone and leans in closer, "I'd love to…"

And that's when it happens.

"Whoohoo, you go little brother!" the gleeful shout comes from above and two pairs of wide eyes snap up in shock to see the Berserker Chief beaming down at them, grinning hugely and waving "Not that you need advice, you two little lovey dovey birds (and a very good morning to you by the way Astrid!) But! If I could offer a tiny suggestion…."

"Dagur! What in _Thor's name_ ….." Hiccup starts but,

" _ **ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH**_!"

he is interrupted by what can only be the war-cry of an outraged Valkyrie. Startled, Dagur loses grip on the window ledge, slides untidily down the roof and lands with a thump on the terrace. Leaping from the bed, Astrid takes the sheet with her, hurtles downstairs and is outside in seconds, screaming fit to bring down Ragnarok.

By the time a bewildered, scarlet and naked Hiccup gets his leg reattached, finds something to cover himself with and makes it to the door, the only things to be seen are two figures rapidly heading toward the horizon. The smaller figure, sheet billowing behind like a warrior's banner, is whirling an axe above her head and yelling,

"Dagur, Dagur you munge bucket! I will have your hide!"

The redhead, only a few strides in front turns and yells desperately over his shoulder,

"It was constructive criticism Astrid! Constructive! Where's your inner peace?"

"I'll give you inner peace! Or your inner pieces!"

The axe flashes, a frantic Dagur finds another burst of speed and pulls away, still shouting,

"Breathe with me Astrid; I am the ocean, calm and wide…"

Toothless, woken by the commotion, wanders outside to stand with Hiccup and together they watch as the two disappear into the sunrise.

"And there you have my life, in a nutshell. Just another morning on The Edge!" Toothless burbles happily and Hiccup grins back "Sure bud, I wouldn't have it any other way either." Scratching his dragon affectionately he turns back into the hut. "Come on, you light the fire, I'll find the first aid kit. I've a feeling that we'll be needing quite a lot of hot water."


End file.
